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Smoking Deaths Increase?
The National Cancer Foundation today published their latest estimation on smoking related deaths. Their figure of 3.7 million annually in Australia is higher than the death toll in both world wars but, when questioned on this, a spokesperson stated, “It’s just a guess mind you, but we think it’s correct”. The tobacco industry countered that their guesses showed life expectancy actually increased in direct proportion to the number of cigarettes smoked.
Entire New Zealand Population to Move To Australia
The New Zealand government today applied for permanent resident visas for all NZers. This move was in response to the New Zealand Department of Agriculture’s stab at sheep numbers in the Land of the Long White Cloud. They picked a number of 627 zillion sheep, leaving no space available for any other living creature.
Wage Case Decision Soon
The full bench of the Australian Fair Pay Commission is expected to hand down its wages decision next week. Unions have been pushing for an across the board 25% rise to counter their guesses at cost of living increases. Employer groups however have speculated that the cost of living has actually declined and are arguing for a 10% decrease in wages.
ABS Enjoys 300th Consecutive Picnic
ABS staff, relieved of collecting official statistics over a year ago, yesterday enjoyed yet another all day picnic. Australian Statistician, Brian Pink, now weighing over 150kg and the grey hair all gone, said, “I don’t know how anyone knows it was our 300th picnic because I can assure you neither I nor my staff have been counting.”
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